It's been raining cats and dogs...
Somehow I keep finding myself standing in the center of falling objects...
Looked for help, but too often got pushed back and further into the mess...
Fought again and again to regain balance and to maintain strength...
But deep down inside, there's a voice that is asking sadly that I just give up and surrender...
Maybe that'll be much easier...

After having gone so far, it really hurts to realize that all that has been for nothing. Nought. F-it.

"In The End"

(It starts with one)
One thing I don't know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To explain in due time
All I know
time is a valuable thing
Watch it fly by as the pendulum swings
Watch it count down to the end of the day
The clock ticks life away
It’s so unreal
Didn’t look out below
Watch the time go right out the window
Trying to hold on but didn’t even know
Wasted it all just to
Watch you go

I kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn't even matter

One thing, I don’t know why
It doesn’t even matter how hard you try
Keep that in mind, I designed this rhyme
To remind myself how
I tried so hard
In spite of the way you were mocking me
Acting like I was part of your property
Remembering all the times you fought with me
I’m surprised it got so (far)
Things aren’t the way they were before
You wouldn’t even recognize me anymore
Not that you knew me back then
But it all comes back to me
In the end

You kept everything inside and even though I tried, it all fell apart
What it meant to me will eventually be a memory of a time when I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I've put my trust in you
Pushed as far as I can go
For all this
There’s only one thing you should know
I tried so hard
And got so far
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter
I had to fall
To lose it all
But in the end
It doesn’t even matter

The more I learn, the more I realize I don't know.

This is definitely a journey I have never foreseen myself taking on before.

Well, actually, I was (and still am) on the path, but just did not know its name until now.

Everything seems to be clearer now, but at the same time my vision is fogged up with the steam of uncertainty.

Would this journey ever come to an end? Would the end of this journey lead to a happier path?

Will anyone close to me ever figure this riddle out?

Will change be possible?

It's as if I got into my own Stranger-than-Life scenario and the writer who wrote me suddenly decided that s/he wanted to add some twist to this story.

Twisted indeed.

OMG.

I'm outwitted by nothingness.

I heard few has won this kind of battle.

How can this be?

Why?

It's times like this that one thinks of songs like this one... W h a t  i f  G o d  w a s  O n e  of  U s

and sadly, Ridiculous won.

退 真的不容易

戰 seems to be more instinctive than 退

i guess that's why ppl say "退一步海闊天空"... the 1st step's the hardest

in fact, one needs to marshal all the neurons in the brain to tell the body and mouth to hold back...

anyway...

a step back in this sense is actually a step forward, isn't it?

need to constantly remind self: leave well-enough alone. let it be. let it be.

if life's a game, it's complicated one.

Some ppl just don't get how unrespectful it is to assume the situation and alter other people's decision for them without asking first... It can potentially ruin everything and, as a friend once said, "make an ass out of u and me." Man! That just ruined the afternoon for me! Arrrgh!

Do I believe in miracles?

Yes, I do. I count babies as miracles. I count how I happen to be in my family a miracle. I count lots of small, common things as miracles... well, because they are! I do count my blessings... and I have yet to finish my counting.

As a believer of miracles, it's surprising to me how I sometimes feel that some miracles seem to be there, but they are just in the pending mode all the time. There is this miracle I have been watching for years and it is still pending. Perhaps it's the "a watched pot never boils" phenomenon?

I just prayed and I think I got a constructive response. I'll do what I can to help make this miracle a full-bloom miracle. Try, try, try, and try some more!

很溫暖 在心中 在身上

有這樣的感覺 好自在

用暖暖的眼睛看 空間變大了 好 寬  敞

用暖暖的心體驗 重量變輕了 飄 起  來

我喜歡這樣的狀態

忽然 好 傷 心 . . .

這輩子 難道真的要這樣一直在這樣的循環中一直重倒覆轍嗎?

I am the worst advocate ever. Can't practice what I preach: to be happy.

I feel fake nearly every time someone asks me how I can be this happy.

Of course, there's always happiness scattered here and there, but scattered is the word.

Is it worth putting the heart back into one piece if it is to be shattered yet again later?

Is true happiness merely a wishful myth?

Have I not tried everything?

Would I one day become an unbeliever?

忽然 好 傷 心 . . .

現代的人 太 -多- 人 會用心說話了

網路的發達 讓人常常 -不只- 會跟遠方的人聊天 -還記得- 身邊也有需要聊天的人

網路的發達 讓人 -不關心- 國外的新聞 -只關心- 家裡的人開不開心

我 -好了解- 這些人在想什麼

所以 我 -不要- 用一個月的時間

也來 說些 -真- 話

-好有趣喔-