It's like I've fallen into a well and don't know how to get out... asked for help, and the person whom I thought was going to help threw stones down on me.
Yea, go ahead and tell me that I should do what the donkey in a fable has done: step onto the stones/sand and get up and get out.
Yea right. These stones are so small that it'll take years for several people to throw more of them down to get me out of here. But right now I only got about two weeks before I come face to face with the beast of the well.
What do you do when you feel that you are in the middle of a tug-of-war and you are the thing that's being tugged on?
At times you feel that one side is stronger than the other side and so you move towards that side; yet minutes later (in human years, that's like several months later), you hear a calling from the other side and the tug from that side becomes again stronger.
You want to have all this tugging to stop so you can say, "Hey, you won. I'm here."
But the tugging continues...
What if it never stops?
Which way should you go?
Does one really need a reason to go a certain way?
What I mean by that is that my mind doesn't really stick to just one thing when I think.
It doesn't go slowly on one path.
Instead, it races and it runs on multiple tracks.
For instance, when my mind is activated by an image or a thought about a new invention, such as a bridge made of bouncy materials, it doesn't just go "oh wow" and end there with a smile.
What it does is something quite complex, like this:
Eye sees an image of a bridge made of bouncy materials >>> Mind goes "oh wow" >>> Mind wonders: "is this real?" "where can i find it?" "how nice would it be if it's implemented in my hometown?" "whose design was this?" "should i save this link to my online bookmarks?" "should i tell people about this?" "i wonder what other innovative designs there are" "hey maybe i should post this somewhere"....... (and all these thoughts all came so fast that they all seem to have appeared together at once)
Depending on the time I have, the thoughts can grow exponentially until I have to use full force to pull myself back into reality, the reality of my having other "more important" things to do... like studying and working. Alas.
I wonder if this is something that happens to just some people or does this happen to everyone?
I heard a really nice song today (video embedded below) and somehow couldn't find the lyrics online after a quick search.... so, instead of waiting for someone to write it down, I went ahead and transcribed it. After all, that's what the song calls for: Why not today? YES, DEFINITELY, TODAY!
(And minutes later, I later bought the song on Amazon. Yes, it was THAT GOOD!)
...sometimes... it appears that i may need to get a recorder, record the sweet messages i'd love to hear when feeling down, and put it into a robot that's been set to play those messages during those dark days....
and yet, a robot is a robot... cold, lifeless, and impersonal....