November 19, 2014

  • A year has past and the same problem continues…

    I can’t believe another year has past…
    I can’t believe the same problem STILL continues to haunt me…

    I sometimes wonder… will I live to see a real, full-blown change that I’ve been hoping since around 11 years ago?…

    How long will I wait? How long SHOULD I wait?

    Might these blows be hints from above telling me it’s time to move on?

    x x x

    I often secretly laugh a sarcastic laugh when I hear people say that it is a weak thing for someone to give up…

    I laugh because I think those people have not gone through what I am going through…

    Giving up in a situation like mine is something that only a person with great strength (both physically and mentally) will be able to accomplish.

    I don’t have such strength… at least not yet.

November 28, 2013

  • When it is okay to give up

    人生中, 常聽到的是 Don’t give up. Keep trying. You can do it. 等鼓勵的話…

    雖然這正面力量是我喜歡的, 但 這也造成有時候, 該放棄了、該轉換跑道了, 卻不知道去哪裡找那勇氣…

    不久前, 自己經歷過了自己人生中的一個 crisis… 那時候近乎崩潰, 看到了這篇, 特別有感觸… 雖然到最後沒有 give up, 但是這篇一直深留我心…

    http://thoughtcatalog.com/chelsea-fagan/2012/11/when-its-okay-to-give-up/ (註 1)

    (***註 1: 如同上面那篇下方 comments/留言 中有人提起的, 這裡說的應該是 不包含放棄生命, 而是說可以放下現在所走的方向, 換個方向走。 / Note 1: As was noted by some in the Comments area beneath the above-mentioned article, this article did NOT say it’s okay to give up on “life”…. just saying it’s okay to move onto another route.)

    或許

    真的該教下一代:

    要游泳, 要先會學溺水後重生的方式 (註2)
    要成功, 要先學會失敗放棄後的再度爬起來

    (註2: 還真的有這樣的研究, see: The Teaching of Swimming Based on a Model Derived from the Causes of Drowning – http://tinyurl.com/swimbynotdrowning)

November 12, 2013

  • The “Default” in Life

    What’s the “default” setting in life?


    ..
    .

    While this may surprise many, I’d argue that the default actually should be described with words like… dirty, mean, messy, ugly, unhealthy, unhappy, yucky, and the like.
    .
    ..

    I say so because too often people (or even myself) take (good) things for granted.

    A city doesn’t stay clean by itself. Sanitary workers work hard to take away the trash and clean up the roads.

    A person doesn’t look amazing simply by breathing and lying around. That beautiful person is pretty usually because s/he has worked for it in some way, such as exercising, choosing healthy foods to eat, and getting some nice accessories (including make-up and clothing) to wear. (Of course, I understand that some may be born pretty… but that’s another story… This is written with the average person in mind.)

    A food doesn’t become delicious and get to the table by accident. There are actually people who take the time to cook to have them that way.

    So STOP. Stop believing that those people in uniforms and standing next to garbage trucks don’t worth a smile or a thanks from you. Stop believing that people should appear to be pretty by default. Stop believing that a smudge on the floor cancels out the fact that the rest of the floor is not covered by smudges.

    START. Start understanding that you owe a non-smelly household and neighborhood to those that pick up the trash from you. Start understanding that people will look even more wonderful if you compliment them, yes, even when they have no make-up on. Start understanding that you can notice the smudge only because the rest of the floor is relatively clean and that someone is (actively/passively) waiting to be thanked.

    Taking on this kind of viewpoint on the default of life changes everything.

    Life becomes more worthwhile more easily.

October 24, 2013

January 17, 2013

  • Cynical

    I have officially lost all psychological support. 

    Everyone has seen a glimpse of the big black hole that is devouring me and everyone is running away.

    No one is brave enough to try to save me.

    I’m forever lost.

    Pretense will now be my name.

    Cynical?

    Yes, unfortunately.

     

  • Still Here

    Years and years of trying

    I thought I’ll get somewhere

    But

    I am still here.

    It will never change, will it?

    Too sad to be optimistic.

    Help.

     

December 29, 2012

  • 我也想要過愜意的生活~

    看見親朋每次放假就去那裏吃了那個又玩了那些

    超 級 羨 慕

     

    也不禁有些疑惑

    大家也都有課業有工作啊

    但為什麼他們都有辦法那麼愜意

    雖然說我現在是大難當頭 有大考試壓身

    我怎麼不記得我過去的讀書和工作身涯中有那麼愜意的感覺

    週末趕唸唸不完的文章和書 (到頭來還是唸不完)

    放假還是有一堆作業要寫 隨便參加個小活動就號稱放了假了

    i mean… how has my life come to this?

     

    某某某說我太認真了

    唸個60分就好 幹嘛要唸到讓自己每次都得高分

    但是啊 親愛的

    我百口莫辯

    但我真的沒有想要得高分的心態啊

    同時 我也不知道要怎麼樣唸才能剛好低空飛過

    換句話說 我不知道低空飛過的門檻在哪裡 看不見 摸不著

    所以 我只能埋頭猛唸 而我心裡想的就只是 “拜託讓我過 讓我過 讓我過~!!

    哪來要得什麼高分的野心?

    別再挖苦我了 plz

    沒人挖苦我 我自己已經超難過的了…

     

    really need some time to re-adjust and maybe even re-route my life

    我不該走上這條路的…

     

    我也想要過愜意的生活~~~ ( ╯-╰ )/

     

December 23, 2012

  • Fallen & More

    I hate this feeling…

    It’s like I’ve fallen into a well and don’t know how to get out… asked for help, and the person whom I thought was going to help threw stones down on me.

    Yea, go ahead and tell me that I should do what the donkey in a fable has done: step onto the stones/sand and get up and get out.

    Yea right. These stones are so small that it’ll take years for several people to throw more of them down to get me out of here. But right now I only got about two weeks before I come face to face with the beast of the well.

    I feel really bad. : ((( and alone… : ‘ (

December 19, 2012

  • Pull Pull

    What do you do when you feel that you are in the middle of a tug-of-war and you are the thing that’s being tugged on?

    At times you feel that one side is stronger than the other side and so you move towards that side; yet minutes later (in human years, that’s like several months later), you hear a calling from the other side and the tug from that side becomes again stronger.

    You want to have all this tugging to stop so you can say, “Hey, you won. I’m here.”

    But the tugging continues…

     

    What if it never stops?

    Which way should you go?

    Does one really need a reason to go a certain way?

     

December 8, 2012

  • Racing Mind, Racing on Multiple Tracks

    My mind races everywhere when I think.

    What I mean by that is that my mind doesn’t really stick to just one thing when I think.

    It doesn’t go slowly on one path.

    Instead, it races and it runs on multiple tracks.

    For instance, when my mind is activated by an image or a thought about a new invention, such as a bridge made of bouncy materials, it doesn’t just go “oh wow” and end there with a smile.

    What it does is something quite complex, like this:

    Eye sees an image of a bridge made of bouncy materials  >>> Mind goes “oh wow” >>> Mind wonders: “is this real?” “where can i find it?” “how nice would it be if it’s implemented in my hometown?” “whose design was this?” “should i save this link to my online bookmarks?” “should i tell people about this?” “i wonder what other innovative designs there are” “hey maybe i should post this somewhere”……. (and all these thoughts all came so fast that they all seem to have appeared together at once)

    Depending on the time I have, the thoughts can grow exponentially until I have to use full force to pull myself back into reality, the reality of my having other “more important” things to do… like studying and working. Alas.

    I wonder if this is something that happens to just some people or does this happen to everyone?

     

    Image of the bouncy bridge: [ http://www.guardian.co.uk/artanddesign/architecture-design-blog/2012/oct/22/trampoline-bridge-bounce-river-seine-paris ]